How did this happen
by pain66
Summary: Andy comes back from undercover to discover the life she left behind is no longer there
1. Chapter 1

Her eyes blinked with unshed tears, how could things have gone so wrong. How could she not know, how could no one tell her.

Her mind wandered back to the early morning when she was nervous and hopeful. The thought of seeing him again made her smile and cringe. Her eyes welled up with tears as she felt a strong hand on her knee, she looked over at Nick giving him a weak smile as they drifted steadily towards the limits of the Toronto city line.

They entered the barn together hands clasped together, each one in an almost death grip. Their fear seemed equal but also their anticipation. Andy looked around and sighed, the more things change she thought. As she began to look around she was suddenly blindsided by a whirlwind she would soon realize was none other than Traci herself.

Omg Andy your back I can't believe it she screamed drawing a crowd of officer's attention. Yeah we just got here literally she said matter of factly. Traci turned and hugged Nick, "you look good she said." Nick looked around and then back, she not here Traci said. Oh was all he replied. Omg Andy you don't know do you? Traci shrieked. What was all Andy could say? Sam you don't know what happened to him do you?

It was then that Andy's face began to pale and heart began to race as Traci began to recount the night 5 months ago that Sam had been injured.

He had been at the penny that night, waiting for her she thought to herself. He had left just after last call and was headed somewhere not really even sure where but it wasn't his house, that's the opposite direction. Traci recounted how they had received the call that an off duty officer had been involved in a head on collision with another vehicle one which had crossed into his lane. The other driver had been drunk, over the limit by 3 times the legal limit. Unfortunately the other driver died on impact and Sam well he's been the same ever since that night. The same, Andy broke in? Yeah the same. Where is he now, home, work where she repeated as Traci just looked at her? Nick took this moment to grab her hand again which had fallen to his side somewhere in the middle of the story, Traci quirked an eyebrow and looked down. He's at the hospital you should go see him, Traci stated. What's wrong with him Andy whispered almost so quietly Traci had to strain to hear her, go this is his room number. "You need a ride Traci added casually," Nick took this moment to speak "no we're good!" With that he turned in his heels and headed for the door tugging Andy behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

As Nick and Andy approached the hospital Andy began to weep. Nick grabbed her shoulder and gave it a squeeze to let her know he was there.

"You ok "Nick said in a shushed tone.

"I'm not sure" Andy shrugged, all I know is that when I left he said he loved me, and I thought about him every day since, I left, but my heart was still broken, I'm not sure what I'm going to see, but I'm glad you're here with me she smiled weakly.

"I'm there when it matters" Nick stated with a glance in her direction.

Andy looked at him that is what Sam always used to say she thought to herself, that was like a weight on her shoulders all its own. Nick was now here for her, even though she treasured Nick as her partner and her friend only Sam could fill the void in her heart and her life.

After Andy took some time to collect herself she stopped in the bathroom and splashed some cold water on her face, pinned her hair into a loose clip and with Nick by her side ventured upstairs to where Sam's room was located. As they approached the room Andy turned to Nick and said "can you give me a minute, I need to see him first."

Nick watched the emotions crossed over Andy's face, pain, and love but also regret.

As Nick watched Andy walk to into Sam's room he felt a pang of jealousy in his chest. While he has been undercover with Andy he had grown very fond of her, who he was kidding he was head over heels in love with her. It had started out innocent enough, a little crush had developed after he had seen her doing the typical McNally thing wearing her heart on her sleeve.

Flashback

_Nick and Andy had been helping with a case involving child trafficking and Andy had come upon a small child that stole her heart. The child unfortunately not being much more that 7 had tried to escape. In the end the child, a little girl named Savannah had drowned in the outside pool as she tried to get over the exterior fence, it was Andy that found her that night. Nick had been standing inside when she came back inside the compound where they had kept the children, a simple rural home from the outside nothing out of the ordinary, but inside it held many dark secrets. Nothing had happened until they had returned to their cover apartment, Andy had stated that she "was fine." and went to take a shower. When she had been gone for 30 minutes Nick went to check on her and discovered her sitting on the tub floor sobbing her heart out. It was then that his heart also felt like it was breaking, he had cradled Andy in his arms until the sobs subsided. From that night on they had slept in the same bed, and he had comforted her when she had nightmares, for Andy it was comfort of a best friend, for Nick it became so much more..._

When Andy returned and went into Sam's room a loud sob enguphed the normally quiet ward. The sight before Andy was something that she had not expected. Sam lay there in this sterile white room, sheets up to his chest some small tubes marred his normally toned arms, his face pale and void of emotion including his signature dimples that Andy has longed to see. After a moment she entered the room and proceeded to his bed side, all she could do is stand there and stare. After what seemed like another lifetime she sat on the edge of the bed, took one of his hands in hers the other cupped his pale cheek and leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips and then proceeded to lean her head on his chest.

"I missed you" Andy whispered, as a single tear fell to his chest. "I'm so sorry Sam, I wish I was there for you, I wish…" Andy was interrupted by a knock on the door startling her slightly and raising her to an immediate standing position.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Levine. I just came to check on Mr. Swarek, can I help you?" he stated pleasantly.

"Oh, uhh hi" Andy muttered not really sure what to say at that moment.

"Is there something I can help you with "the doctor replied

"How is he doing, what happened, how long will he be like this?" Andy stumbled to keep her thoughts straight.

"May I ask who you are, I can only release that information to his family, and I'm sorry don't recognize you," the doctor stated matter of factly.

"I'm sorry, I'm Andy McNally I'm his…..friend, partner, girlfriend, coworker she thought, hell she wasn't sure what the hell she was…I'm a close friend she settled on."

As the doctor was about to speak, the door slammed to the side with a loud swack hitting the wall

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM"

A/N

Thanks for the reviews they are always good to see


	3. Chapter 3

A stunned pair of eyes reached the figure standing in the door way.

"What do you think you're doing here?" the woman at the door exclaimed

Andy took in the figure that had come to stand closer to her and Sam's bed side. She was slightly shorter than her with long brown curly hair, petite figure and stand offish posture, Andy surmised this must be Sara, Sam's sister, "Great" Andy thought to herself, "finally meet his family, and they already hate me."

"Hi, I'm Andy, "she raised her hand in gesture

"Excuse me" the doctor said, I'll come back later and check on you guys later.

The woman stood there and stared at Andy with a stone cold look on her face, the emotions that seemed to playing through her mind, had Andy worried.

"I'm Sara, but I guess you already figured that out" she said, her voice cold and void of emotion. She waved off Andy's attempt to again shake her hand and just continued to stare at her, her eyes seemed to glaze over when she turned slightly to look at Sam still lying there in his bed. It was another few moments before she spoke again,

You should not be near him," Sara exclaimed with some slight hesitation noted in her voice

"Why not?" Andy whispered with a slight crack in her voice

I don't know what you know about me, but Sam has told me all but nothing about you. I know that you were involved and that you almost cost him his life, and the not only broke his heart once but twice. The reason he is here is because of you, Andy raised her hand to speak but Sara stopped her and continued. I know that it was not directly your fault but from what I was told he wouldn't have been in that situation if you would have listened to him" Sara said her voice now shaky but softened.

Andy just stared at her wide eyed and in shock "what do you mean if I would have listened to him, I always tried to listen to him"' her voice raising as she continued." I loved him with everything that I had, I still love him, but this she said pointing to Sam is not my doing, and you have no right to say otherwise you don't know what happened between us, and you don't know what we have either, Andy was practically fuming now, her face red with anger and disbelief as she stood there defending herself to someone she had never met yet assumed to know about her and her life and her life with Sam.

"You can leave now, and don't bother coming back, you're not wanted here "Sara stated her cold tone returning.

As Andy edged to leave the room another's presence became prominent, Andy felt warm hand on her shoulder, she turned to see nick standing there with a forlorn look on his face

"You ok" nick asked quietly surveying the room around him

"Yah I'm just leaving, let's go" Andy stated without looking back

"And remember don't come back," Sara yelled from the bed side

Nick looked questionably into the room at Sara, and then back at Andy

"Did I just hear her right?" nick whispered to Andy but still loud enough for Sara to hear.

"Let's just go" Andy pleaded, grabbing him by his arm and pulling him from the room, and never looking back.

When they arrived at the car, nick looked over at Andy and just stared.

"What" she looked at him questionably

"Gee, I wonder "nick stated as if it was obvious

"Look nick I appreciate everything you have done for me, but right now I need to go talk to Tracy, and sort out some stuff and you need to find Gail and see if your life is as messed up as mine is," Andy chuckled to herself.

"Gail can wait, you need me and that's where I need to be. "Nick he stated as if was just a fact

I'm okay, look we will talk later, thank you for everything I don't know what I would have done without you, I'm just going to walk for a bit," Andy said as she pulled nick into a hug.

Nick let his emotions show as he rested his head on hers. He cupped the back of her head and held her tighter against his chest and let a breathless sigh go. "Call me anytime, and I mean it okay" was all he said before he released her and watched her walk away with a small wave over her shoulder.

As Andy walked away she watched nick turn the corner towards the car before she found the closest wall and began to sob sighltenly into her hands.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Thank you for all the reviews, working on making chapters longer. Still new to this thanks again

As Andy began to slowly compose herself she made her way towards the barn, she was going to talk to Tracy, to Oliver and find out what the hell had happened. As her mind began to wonder back to the hospital she could not believe the reaction that she had received from Sara. Although Andy knew she had left on not the best terms with Sam, he had said he loved her more than anything and would fight for her, if this is something he meant, then how could she speak to her like that, how could he have not even spoke about the person he loved, "wow am I that difficult." STOP IT, she be raided herself silently" it will be okay," at least she hoped.

As Andy reached the barn doors her cell phone began to ring, she looked down at the id and saw it was Tracy, with one touch she spoke, "hi meet me in the locker room ASAP please, "and then hung up and proceeded inside. As she reached the locker room door she let out a breath and opened the door to see Tracy sitting on the bench waiting.

"Trac, "Andy almost lept into her arms and hugged her. "What the hell happened, why didn't you tell me before I got there, why does she think this is my fault?" Andy continued to ramble. As Tracy struggled to get a word in she silently pulled back from Andy and motioned for her to sit beside her on the bench.

"First, I didn't know Sara would be there, second breath and I'll explain what happened ok,"Tracy said in her motherly tone. Andy nodded and began to recount that horrible night 5 months ago.

_Flashback_

_The memory the accident returns in slow motion with an astonishing list of details that gets freeze-framed from beginning to end over end over end._

_On the journey from the penny, Sam was driving behind a small truck that seemed to plod toward the upcoming red light. It was a few minutes later when the people in front of him were still talking at the green light, and guessing he wasn't in the best of moods, or he wasn't when he left the penny, The light turned green, but the truck was still moving slowly forward. The driver ahead mentioned that he seemed to become frustrated, honking his horn as he watched the other driver ahead. They said he seemed to be fixated to the right. A pedestrian who saw the entire thing said they physically gasped at what was just about to come into his view. _

_ A brand new Black Dodge Charger blazed through the opposing stop light came into his lane and broadsided his truck. They hadn't even tried to stop, the car smacked into him without warning, and slammed it into a light post on the street. When officers arrived the scene was grisly, the other driver was dead._

Tracy continued to slowly fill in the blanks regarding the other driver and the accident. Sam had internal bleeding, a collapsed lung and a contusion on his brain. His heart had stopped twice on the way to the hospital, and he had already endured 3 surgeries to repair his internal injuries as well as reduce the swelling on his brain. As Tracy continued to relay the sequence of events, Andy noticed a tear escape her friend's eye.

"Andy it was so bad, Oliver was there to and we couldn't do anything to help him, it was like jerry all over again" Tracy murmured as the pain in her eyes and her voice was evident. "They took him to the hospital, and after all this time he has stayed the same, he in something called a persistent coma I guess, and nothing has changed at all over the last few month."

As Andy tried take in everything that Tracy had told her she still flashed back in her mind to why didn't they tell me, and why does Sara blame me. As if reading her mind Tracy spoke again.

"They contacted Sara, because she is his next of kin, and well to put it kindly Gail filled her in on the rest of your relationship with Sam and kind of skipped some details, and I don't think either of them are your biggest fans." Tracy spoke earnestly

"Why would Gail do that, I didn't do anything to her, but be her friend, did I? "Andy asked posing it like a question to Tracy

"Look you don't deserve this, she shouldn't pretend to know you or about you and Sam, she is mad and Gail gave her an outlet for that, can you understand that? "Tracy said in her motherly wise tone

"I get it Trac I do, but no one even told me, he could have died and I wasn't here, what is up with that?" Andy said hurt marring her tone

"Andy, look you weren't together, you left I'm sorry but why would they tell you "Tracy said with noted regret

As Andy huffed, Tracy was right, why would they. They weren't together, but that didn't change that she loved him, and before she left he had finally returned the sentiment. She needed time to process her feelings, and figure out her next move. As Andy looked at Tracy she leaned in and hugged her "I'm going to go ok, I call you later ok,"Andy said looking at Tracy with a misty look in her eyes, with that she turned on her heels and left.

As the day turned into night, Andy began to realize quite how long she had been walking around. She stopped and surveyed her surroundings and found her self outside the hospital once again. As Andy looked up and down the hospital parking lot, all her feelings and thoughts had come rushing back, she needed Sam, and she needed to be there for him, to help him recover, to show him she would not leave him without a fight again. Sara may be mad, but she had to understand that there is always more to the story. As Andy resigned herself to her decision she thought it will be okay, Sara will listen and understand and I'll be able to help Sam with anything I can, the thought of being near him made her smile and then the thought of seeing him smile made her heart race. She could do this, there was no other choice.

Andy made her way into the hospital, and then to Sam's floor. The time she had spent undercover had enabled her to make herself invisible in a crowd, this will come in handy she thought to herself. As she looked towards his room, she heard Sara saying goodbye to her brother and that she would return in the morning, and that she loved him, with that she exited the room. Andy watched from a distance as she talked to the nurse on duty for a minute and with a small wave she was gone. Deciding it was now or never Andy looked around quickly and approached his room, and with the coast clear she slipped in.

A/n:anyone know how to beta, need some help with ideas to bounce around, pm if interested thanks again for the support


	5. Chapter 5

Nick headed home after leaving Andy at the hospital. What the hell was wrong with him he thought? Andy is in love with Sam, not me. Maybe it was because he was lonely, maybe he had thought Gail would never give him another chance, and he should move on. None of that mattered because his feelings for his partner and friend were unrequited and that should be the end of that. Maybe Gail will give me another chance, maybe Andy will come around, and who the heck he was kidding he was more of a mess than Andy he thought babbling to himself. As Nick entered the hallway to his apartment he came upon a figure leaning against his door, with the sound of his keys they looked up and spoke,

"I think we need to talk"

As Andy ventured into the darkened room she took note of her surroundings. The room was all but silent accept for the murmur of his heart machines, and the puffing of the machine that was breathing for him. She slowly went over to the bed, and sat on the edge, and touched her hand to his face, "oh Sam, how did things end this way," a single tear slid down Andy's face as she began to think about their time together

_Flashback_

_Sam had been in a bad mood all day, he had yelled at her this morning after parade for leaving garbage in his truck, then she had argued back that if he wasn't in such a hurry to leave in the morning she would have remembered to throw it out. Their day had continued to go downhill, his mood remained sour and abrupt and Andy continued with the silent treatment and hidden induendos. It was almost the end of shift before Andy remembered what day it was, it was the day that Sam had mentioned before in passing after a similar day of mood swings and yelling the year before, it was the day that his father had left all those years ago and it still brought back feelings he tried to keep buried deep. Andy new that he would not want to talk about it so she did what she thought was the next best thing. Sam had just finish changing and went to look for Andy only to find she wasn't in the locker room, or in the building for that matter so he figured she was giving him some space, after all he was a real jackass today. Not wanting any other company he decided to head home, he sent her a quick text saying he was sorry but would talk to her tomorrow, he waited for a reply, but after five minutes and no response he gave up and headed home. When he arrived at his house he was surprised to find his door unlocked, withdrawing his gun he carefully proceeded inside only to be met with a sight that he did not expect. A small grin made its appearance as Andy sat on his counter clad in nothing but a tiny red lace number and a pint of pistachio ice cream. As he slowly approached her, she took her spoon and dipped it in the ice-cream and motioned for him to come and take a bite only to put the contents of the spoon into her cleavage, oops she said in a naughty voice, could you help me clean this up she said as she glanced at Sam still hovering a few steps away, "I'm told I'm not very good at cleaning up messes" with that Sam let out the biggest chuckle she had heard in a while. Later after he had finished helping her with "her mess" he looked at her with a bewildered look. "What are you thinking "Andy asked as she rubbed her hand over his face? "I'm sorry about this morning, it's just that…"he continued to try and push it out. "don't, doesn't matter what it is, was, or can be, just know whenever you want to talk or just want to help me clean up a mess, "Andy said with a smirk, I'll be waiting with an ear, or maybe the whip cream. At that Sam realized she accepted him, and his messes as he did her, and he proved it again that night as he held her, for this was the first time in his life he truly made love to a woman without holding anything back._

_End flashback_

As Andy sat there with Sam's hand in hers, brushing his face slightly with her other hand, she didn't realize how late it had gotten. When she looked at the clock she noticed it was close to 4 am, she had been sitting there for almost 5 hours. She knew she had to go just in case someone saw her and reported back to Sara, and that was something she was not ready to face or deal with, soon but not tonight, she still had to process everything that had happened and get some more answers. As Andy was starting to get ready to leave, she heard someone coming and quickly ducked into the bathroom. As Andy quickly hid, the sounds of Sam's heart monitor began to beep a bit louder, causing the nurse to enter at a quickened pace. As Andy watched in silence as the nurse checked him, his rhythm returned to normal and she soon left the room. After waiting for several minutes Andy again ventured out of the bathroom, and sat on the edge of the bed taking Sam's hand in hers. She whispered in his ear "I love you, I be back soon I promise" and with that she left.

"Would you like to come in?" nick gestured towards the door

"I guess I should, if I ever want to get some answers" Gail replied, her chilly tone not being missed by Nick.

"Want something to drink "Nick asked casually as he took off his shoes and jacket, making his way into the kitchen

"Really after 5 months you ask me if I want a drink, what the hell is wrong with you" Gail's words almost seemed to spitting out of her mouth.

"look Gail I'm not sure what you want me to say, I'm sorry I left, I thought you were leaving to, this opportunity came up because of that and I thought it would good for me to make something of myself for you why you were travelling. "Nick explained.

Gail stood there just dazed and slightly confused about what she had just heard. She thought he had bailed on her again, she thought that once she had said she was losing her job that he would move on. But he didn't want that he wanted to make himself better for her, now what she thought.

"I'm sorry Nick, I thought, I wouldn't have, if I would have known" Gail stammered

"You wouldn't what," Nick stated looking very confused.

"Look sit down okay, I'll explain just please remember I loved you, still do, and I thought you left me again okay!" Gail whispered

Nick looked at Gail, her eyes were tearing up and her hands began to fidget..."what did you do Gail "Nick said the worry in his voice becoming evident.

a/n:thanks for all the reviews, please keep them coming...up next Sam


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_Sam's POV _

_I was aware of everything all at once -the trees, how dark blue the sky was, and the position of cars in my rear view mirror. I was aware of every other street and car and pedestrian and sidewalk and house that caught my eye. When I look back, it's as though I had 360 degree vision._

_I noticed the curb in front of me, but my truck was sliding toward it. "Oh God, don't let me slam into that curb." I knew that hitting the curb would have changed what was happening so much, but with that thought...POW! I heard a strange noise and then I was looking through white fog. For a moment...just a moment...I asked if I was dead, and honestly, I was waiting for something anything. Those expectations didn't last long as the answer fell into my mind that the airbags exploded._

_The airbag powder cleared quickly since the air conditioner fan was still running. Now I could see cars stopped outside and people from across the street were staring. That's what people do. They stare._

_Then I felt frightened. "Where was Andy, why couldn't I see her, hear her?" I tried to open my eyes to move but nothing happened. I felt panicked as my mind went blank and saw only black, the last face I saw was Andy's before I succumbed to nothingness._

"How is he doing today dr?" Sara stated as she entered the room.

"He is technically the same, except for some changes last night." The doctor said matter of factly

"What do you mean, changes last night "Sara asked somewhat perplexed?

"It seems that in the night his heart monitor became slightly erratic and he showed some signs of further brain activity." The doctor mentioned

"That's good isn't it "Sara questioned

"It is good, but we don't know why it happened or if it will happen again, let's hope that he will continue with this progress and we will be able to understand more with time and further testing." The doctor continued.

"Thank you dr."Sara stated as she watched him leave the room.

After the doctor left Sara turned back to her brother, "well baby brother looks like you might finally be getting tired of being sleeping beauty." Sara snickered to herself.

It had been a long five months, Sara had taken a leave from her job and had been going back and forth from the hospital to Sam's place. She knew that soon she would need to continue on with her life, but how could she go on as normal when her brother was laying here alone, Sam had spent so much time protecting her when she was younger she couldn't bare the idea of leaving him alone when he needed her the most.

"You know I'm thinking about going back to work "Sara said casually as she looked at Sam, "what do you think about that?" she asked as she squeezed his hand?" looking down at him as almost waiting for his sarcastic reply, "never mind I'll stay and yours and use your money "she laughed. "Come on Sam, you have to give me something. You know I met the famous Andy McNally the other day, she is quite the piece of work I was told she was!" Sara said the malice in her voice evident. The next thing anyone could hear was Sara yelling for a nurse to come, "come here please, his heart is racing something's wrong.

_Sam POV_

_Andy, Andy, was that her voice. I can hear someone talking to me, but I can't seem to do anything else. I felt as if I could hear her, feel her but nothing else. I stop for a moment to try and listen, everything seems foggy. I can make out a voice, it's not Andy's, its Sara's. Again it seems like a haze when I become aware of a voice again, its Sara, who is she talking to, then I hear my name and she's asking me for something, I can't seem to understand though. I hear her say Andy's name and I try to yell to her, I want her, Andy I tried to yell, but no response comes as I feel a haze come on again and myself fade to black._

As Sara watched the nurse examine Sam, she wondered what the hell had happened."

"Is he waking up? "Sara asked the nurse

"I'm not sure, I'm going to tell him these findings, and I'm sure he'll let you know soon." With that the nurse left the room.

"Well I guess its back to the waiting game now" Sara laughed to herself.

Nick looked at Gail still speechless. He could not believe what he had heard. This can't be right he thought to himself and he let out a breath of frustration.

"Gail "Nick looked at her for the first time directly in what seemed like hours but couldn't have been more than 5 minutes.

"Please tell me that is some sick joke that you're just trying to get even with me, with us, right?" Nick asked finally

_Flashback_

_Gail had gone to visit Sam several times after his accident, she had felt horrible considering she had sat there with him for hours while he listened to her bitch about Nick at the bar, not even understanding he was in as much if not more pain than her. It was on her forth brief visit that Gail came into contact with Sara. Sara had been taken back by Gail, she wasn't the kind of person her brother normally be friended, course of the afternoon visit Gail had filled Sara in on all the gruesome details about Sam and Andy's relationship._

_"What do you mean she left him? "Sara asked intrigued_

_"Where to start Gail said, after the entire undercover operation was blown, she took off and left him when he really needed the help, no offence...Gail looked up at Sara briefly_

_"None taken, I didn't know how bad it was. "Sara said with regret "he's always the protector,"_

_Gail nodded in understanding "well anyway after that he took her back, they were together again for a while and then, well Jerry died "Gail said the pain still evident in her voice, "anyway Sam was in a lot of pain obviously Jerry and Sam were best friends, and well Andy wouldn't leave it alone with him, she pushed herself on him and that's when he really broke and dumped her," Gail said here voice grew colder as she went on. "In the end, Andy did what she does best, got hurt, had Sam come running just to tell him it was too late, and then up and left her with my boyfriend, "Gail stated._

_Sara just looked at Gail, her eyes on the verge of tears. "How could anyone do that to him, he is a kind, loving man, he may not say it but his actions show how loyal he is to those he is close to "Sara said with disbelieve in her voice._

_Gail just shook her head and said "I'm not sure"_

_End flashback_

Gail just looked at Nick and shook her head, "I'm sorry Nick I'm not, I never meant to hurt anyone especially you."

"you need to get the hell out of here now, and really I would stay the hell away from me, and Andy, do you understand me "Nick yelled with such distaine Gail almost didn't recognize him

Gail silently turned her head, she let out a small stiffened sob and left his apartment. Nick stood there what the hell he .thought, suddenly he was out the door and headed towards Andy's apartment


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

It had been a couple of days since Andy had last been at the hospital, she had tried more than once to go and visit him but it seemed that he always had company, from the doctor, to Sara, or a nurse randomly checking up on him,. Andy had listened outside one evening to hear the nurse and doctor discussing his progress. It seemed that he had had more improvement in a few days then he had had in five months, but that stopped 3 nights ago and they weren't sure why. Andy decided she was going to see Sam tonight no matter what, and hatched her plan to go between 12 and 2 am when the shift changes where happening. At 12 am sharp and entered the hospital and made her ascend to Sam's room, with the coast all clear she snuck into his room and sat on his bedside.

"I missed you "she whispered in his ear and she slowly pushed his hair from face. "I was thinking I'm not sure how much longer I can do this, the sneaking part I mean," Andy felt the need to correct herself out loud to him. "I'm going to try to talk to your sister again, make her understand that I'm sorry and that none of this, was my intention, "Andy said as she waved her arm around. "What do you think? "Andy looked at Sam, "that's what I thought, I'm overthinking again right "Andy looked at Sam and could imagine his smirk.

Andy continued to tell Sam about how her undercover went and how Nick had been a really good friend and partner. she continued to tell him how bad she felt because he tried to talk to the other day but she was to consumed with everything, and having to go see the department shrink that she said give me a day and then she never got back to him.

"I'm such a mess Sam, I know I said I like mess, but I don't. I wish I could figure out what was going on, why your sister hates me so much, Gail couldn't have said anything that bad, she's my friend right, and what about Tracy and Oliver they wouldn't have said bad things, I'm sure, I know, I know, I'm rabbling, I can't help it'? Andy laughed to herself.

"I'm going to go, I will try to see your sister tomorrow and straighten all this out, maybe talk to Oliver, catch up with Nick, I'll be back as soon as I can, I'm not sure if you can actually hear me, and I'm sure how it will be when you wake up, just know I am sorry and maybe I'll have to take out your trash, and make you dinner, but I'm sure whatever it is well figure it out together. "With that Andy snuck out of the hospital and headed towards home.

As Andy arrived home, she was surprised to see nick kneeling down against her door, head on his arms and sleeping quietly.

"Hey" Andy said as she gently nudged Nick's arms

"Hey" he responded, "What time is it?"

"A little after three, what are you doing here, you okay "Andy asked concerned

"Can I come in, I think we'll need to have a drink while we talk "Nick stated very quietly

"Okay come on in, "Andy said as she led the way to the fridge to grab some beers before heading to the couch, "so what's up?"

Nick sat down and sighed, he filled Andy in on everything that Gail had said to him and to Sara. The look that graced Andy's face was similar to one the night during their undercover operation. As Nick glanced down at his hands then back to Andy, he literally felt as if his heart was breaking. Andy sat there, eyes reddened, lips just a touch open, and what some would say a blank stare, this made Nick the most frightened, for those who knew Andy she wore her heart on her sleeve, and at that moment he felt like he could see her heart breaking into a thousand pieces. As Nick placed a hand on Andy's shoulder, she slowly looked up, her eyes puffier than before "I'm sorry I messed up things so bad for you and Gail" Andy whispered" I never meant for any of this to happen, please say you believe that."

Nick gazed at Andy and pulled her in front of him and touched her cheeks in the palms of his hands, he slowly wiped the tears away from under her eyes and lifted her head so she was looking at him.

"Please Andy, please just, "Nick almost whispered as he brushed the hair from her face"im not going anywhere. "With the last breath started to exhale he pulled her into a hug, both falling to their knees as they shared a tender embrace.

The sun slowly began rise before Nick realized they must have fallen asleep leaning against the couch. It was then that he heard a knock on the door. Slowly Nick made his way towards the door, glancing over his shoulder quickly to see Andy beginning to stir, he proceeded to open the door.

"Hi can we talk for a minute "Gail asked hopefully

"look, now's not a good time okay, maybe later, right now I'm dealing with other things okay "Nick said his voice hushed but not unkind

"Please Nick I only want five minutes, then, I'll go. I came by your place and you never came home so I thought I would try here, Gail said pushing towards to door." It was then that she noticed Andy leaning against the couch, her head in her arm and legs curled up under her. "Wow that didn't take long did it "Gail snarled. With one quick movement Nick slammed the door in her face, all she heard after that was Nick saying you'll never learn, will you…

"Was that Gail? "Andy asked Nick when he came back and sat beside her

"Yeah, look I know it all looks bad now but, it will all work out I promise, ok. Last night, everything I told you, I know it seems unreal, but once everyone knows what's going on well be okay, and a lot of amends will need to be made, but well get through it okay. "Nick said trying to sound calming.

"I know it's just all this hit me hard last night, I can't believe it all. It seems surreal, you know. Look I'm going to head out barn to get some paperwork done and maybe catch up with Tracy and Oliver, before I go see Sam and Sara try to fix this mess. "Andy said sounding hopeful

"Good luck, call me later, we still need to talk and I mean it this time, ok" Nick said with a sarcastic tone.

As Andy headed to the barn after bidding Nick farewell she decided today things were going to change.

_Sam POV_

_Everything had been silent and dark, he hadn't thought a thought or felt an emotion for, well, he didn't know how long. There had been no peace, something he had not known for as long as he could remember. For all his life he had turmoil, complications, it was what it was. But something had been wrong, down he had felt a strange sense of loss, of having misplaced something precious, he just simply couldn't remember what it was._

_Awareness had returned slowly, with the sound of heart monitors and whispering of words, nothing specific that he could put a label to, just a feeling of rising up out of a blackness. It was not until a sadness washed over him, not a remembered sadness, but one he knew he had carried for some time. It gnawed at him like an itch he couldn't scratch, or a sound he couldn't identify._

_It wasn't until a sudden jolt, like someone hit a light switch in his head that the disorienting swirl of color and sound, and electricity…jumping from nerve to nerve made him come from the darkness. Andy._

_He had been the one that sent her away, the darkness, the sadness was giving way to rain and an empty parking lot. The gasp became a silent scream, ripping from a soul bereft of the one thing that might dispel the loss of light and warmth._

_Better to simply stay in his darkened state, cut off from the pain, wallowing in the nothing. It was easy to ignore the stimulus, it was removed anyway and to connect to it would have taken a dream that would never really come true_

_But then there was a voice, and it seemed to be hers. The familiar tone and giggle seemed to fill the room. Her words whispered to him, sweet, kind and loving, but also longing. She needed him, and she seemed to be urging him to come back._

_He felt her lips against his cheek, her hands in his hair, on his arms, was this real…it came on_

_Suddenly, the anxiety coming at a slow pace the awareness of things around him._

_The effort exhausting as he tried to reach for her, the words that she whispered began to fade he could feel it touches going further away, and the warmth of her words and touch leaving him suddenly feeling as scared and alone._

_Thanks For the reviews, still looking for help with beta reader pls pm directly thanks again_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Andy had stopped by the barn to check in with Frank and say hello to Tracy. She was disappointed to find out she was on a case and would be out for a while so she decided to head towards the hospital to see if she could straighten some things out with Sara. As Andy approached the Hospital she began to feel a range of emotions, fear, anxiety, and about twenty others. She laughed to herself

As Andy approached Sam's room she could hear voices inside, and she stopped short of the door and listened, even though she knew she shouldn't.

"So how has he been lately, any changes? "Oliver asked in his soothing tone

"Not much better, he had some small changes but they seemed to have stopped, I don't know why but it seems to happen when no one else is around. I just want him better Ollie. "Sara stated the ware was evident in here voice.

"He's a fighter Sara hell get better, I'm surprised McNally hasn't been here? "Oliver matter of factly

"She was here, I sent her packing, and she hasn't been back since, good riddance to her!" Sara exclaimed

"What are you going on about Sara? Andy is one of the kindest people I know, despite her problems with Sam, she loves him, she maybe headstrong and stubborn as hell but who else do you know that sounds like that? "Oliver asked, his tone questioning

"Look Ollie I know what happened and I need to protect him, like he protected me and that's all there is to it." Sara stated

"Sara I don't think you have all the facts on this one, I think you should…"Ollie was interrupted by Sara raising her hand

"Ollie, Sam loves you, your family but on this one my mind is made up, please don't push me I don't need that neither does he. "Sara said he voice cracking

"Fine I will but I'm telling you this is not what he would want "Oliver said and left the room.

Sara let out a huff, "well me and you again baby bro. I'm going for a shower and something to eat, I'll be back soon "Sara said as she touched his arm, "and I'm using your truck so if you don't like it, wake up…or too bad." With that Sara headed off towards Sam's house.

Andy had heard Oliver and Sara talk and felt some relief. Oliver was putting what Sam wanted first, at least what she thought he wanted as well. Upon hearing there discussion coming to a conclusion Andy decided to walk around then come back after Oliver had left so that she could talk with Sara in private, she would catch up with Oliver later and thank him for a least trying. After 20 minutes past Andy headed back to Sam's room it was empty so she decided to go ahead anyway, and visit with him while she waited for Sara.

Andy approached Sam's bed and sat on the edge of it as she had previously, and took his hand in hers. "I'm here, bet your surprised, huh"Andy said mockingly. I came to deal with the head on, or without thinking I'm guessing you would say "Andy laughed at herself.

"Am I interrupting "a nurse said from the doorway?

"No no just chatting, I mean talking to him "Andy rambled "do I need to leave?" she asked

"No its fine I just came to do a vital check "the nurse stated "you can stay it will only take a second"

As she approached Sam she began to look at the monitors, her movements began to give Andy cause for concern

"Is he okay "Andy asked quickly?

"Yes, that's what's strange his vitals are stronger than they have been in days, this is good "she stated honestly

"Oh good, you hear that Sam you're getting stronger "Andy whispered in his ear

The nurse continued to check his vitals, his IV, and watched silently as Andy stroked Sam's face, and hair. She watched on as Andy whispered in his ear, what she didn't know, and as seemed to be trying to comfort him. It was sudden and abrupt, that the room quickly filled with noise, ending the silence and seemingly sweet moment that had been observed previously

"What the hell are you doing here again, I told you not to come back "Sara stated from the door way her demeanor cold and harsh?

"Look Sara I came to talk, I want you to know me, I want to explain things, not everything that you heard about me is true, some but not all "Andy said quickly

"Look, I don't want to hear it, leave please before I have you removed "Sara stated her authority seeming not be questioned

"Sara, please just hear me out" Andy asked sincerely

Sara entered the room, removed Sam's hand from hers and repeated "leave, now"

Andy stunned and unsure, stood up and was about to say something when the shrill piercing noise of Sam's monitors began to ring…the nurse jumped to attention, she ran to the wall hit the alarm button, calling code blue it was at that moment a tear rolled down Andy's face as she felt her own heart had stopped beating. As she and Sara were shoved out of the room as the crash team began to work on Sam, she whispered into the air "please Sam fight for us"

_Sam POV_

_A spark of energy seemed to envelop me all of a sudden. Waves of light brushed past my eye lids, I could feel my heart begin to beat faster, my breathing begin to feel normal, I'm not sure I even know what that would be anymore. I can hear voices in the room, it seems some are clearer than others, sometimes I can hear the conversation others I can't._

_I can hear Andy, she is whispering to me, I'm not sure what she is saying all I know is it makes the darkness seem a little brighter. The spark I had begun to feel could be my senses returning, I can smell he shampoo, feel her hand in mine, her lips against my skin._

_I wonder if this is a dream within a dream, or if it's actually happening. I want so badly to touch her, to feel her, to let her feel me. _

_The voices that were previously quiet seem to have changed and gotten louder, it sounds like Sara and Andy. It was sudden and unexpected my loss of sensations if that makes any sense. The warmth and light gone like it disappeared suddenly into a black hole, I feel strange, I wonder than…_


	9. Chapter 9

Andy looked on as the curtain was pulled and various members of medical staff past them to head into Sam's room. The sounds of the monitors sent a surge of ice cold water running down Andy's spine. As Andy looked over towards Sara she couldn't help but feel sorry for her, even despite her coldness over the last week. She watched as Sara silently sobbed into her arm, while trying to cover her face ridden with tears, Andy wondered if she looked much herself. When the calls of "were losing him "was heard from behind the curtain her sob became louder, only being muffled by the one that Andy had let out herself. Without thinking Andy reached over and put her arm on sari's shoulder, silently offering her a brief moment of comfort. What happened next surprised her even more, Sara turned towards her and enveloped her in a massive hug almost cutting of her air supply and winding her. After her brief shock wore of Andy returned the hug and asides strong, he's a fighter, he won't give up I know it." Andy said. She had thought she had said it with conviction and with a steady voice but apparently she didn't sound so sure, even to her own ears.  
It had seemed like hours until the doctor had come back to the waiting room. He had approached Sara and had asked to speak with her in private, when Andy gave Sara a desperate look, Sara motioned for the doctor to stay, and asked him to continue.  
"His blood pressure had begun to rise, causing his heart to beat erratically. I am not sure what caused this episode, but whatever it was seems to have really set him back a fair amount. Can I ask what was happening when this occurred? "The doctor asked quietly  
I came into Sam's room and found Andy there. I asked her to leave because she's wasn't wanted here, and then this happened "Sara stated quickly.  
Andy stood there tears forming in her eyes, "he's never done this before when I was there" her voice so soft she could barely be heard.  
Both Sara and the doctor looked over at her quizzically. "What do you mean before, how many times have you come to see him the doctor asked "gaining some insight into the tension in the room  
"A few at night," she almost whispered  
With that the doctor turned on his heel leaving the room, saying "I'll be back in a minute I need to check something" then he was gone.  
After the doctor had left the room Sara turned to Andy, her stare was something that was quite unreadable. "Why are you here, can't you see that your causing him pain. He had been getting better until you came back, to think I was starting to regret jumping the gun about you clearly I was wrong. "Sara stated her tone so cold Andy couldn't reply. "Look I get that you care, but he doesn't need, or want you here, even you can see that after what the doctor said. If you ever really cared about him you'll go and not come back this time."  
While the hospital was still buzzing around them Andy felt like she was having an out of body experience. This was not happening, was it? It took a moment before she had begun to regain her composure enough to look up at Sara and speak.  
"I have a right to be here, I love him and I know he loved me that night, and that's all I need. He and I may have had our problems but I'm not leaving him again "Andy stated her conviction clear to anyone that could hear her. "I will give you some space and maybe we can talk later, I will come by and check on him again later, after we have both calmed down." With that Andy headed towards the door, only stopping to ask the nurse something before making her way home.  
On her way home Andy had called Tracy and asked if she was free for a girl's night she needed to talk to a friend. Tracy readily agreed, saying she would be by after shift around 7 with some wine and pizza, so they could talk properly uninterrupted. It was almost 7 when Andy's doorbell rang, Andy raced to the door shoving it open and engulphing Tracy in a tight hug.  
"Wow I missed you to" Tracy said Laughing at the eagerness of her friend. It only took a minute before she realized that Andy was in tears and breathing hard  
"What happened? " Tracy said her concern clear?  
Andy began filling Tracy in on what was happening since they last spoke, her night chat with Nick, her visits to the hospital, hearing Oliver speaking with Sara and finally what had happened earlier with Sam's condition. TO say Tracy was shocked would be putting it mildly, she looked at Andy and then took her hands in hers before she spoke again.  
"Look I know things seem really crappy right now, but look at it this way, Sara is scared she is losing her brother, and right or not she wants someone to blame for what happened to him. She hasn't gotten to know you yet, and once she knows you she will come around, you'll see. Tracy warm motherly tone evident  
"do you really think it's that simple, I understand why she is like this but…"Tracy cut in "look you only just got back, give it time, go see him tomorrow and talk to her, don't push just keep trying. I'll bet once she sees you mean what you're saying shell jump at the chance to hear your side of the story and then you guys and can help Sam together. "Tracy stated firmly  
"Track I love you thanks" Andy said before hugging her again. It was almost nine o'clock when Andy and Tracy had started to wrap up their chat. Tracy had filled her in on the gossip while she was gone, dov and Chris' antics, Oliver's home situation and how she and Leo had been coping over the last five months. Andy had begun to apologise again and again for leaving, when Tracy had explained it was not necessary that she understood. Tracy looked up and smiled "Gail on the other hand, well that is for another night and bottle of wine," both girls laughter was interrupted by a knock at the door. Andy got up looked through the peep hole, looked back at Tracy before she opened the door, can I help you she said to the person on the other side.  
"Are you Andy McNally" the man asked.  
"Yes I am, she stated. With that the man handed her an envelope and said "you've been served, have a good night," and left.  
Andy turned around looked at Tracy stunned, and shrugged. Andy slowly looked over the envelope and began to open it, after a minute, Andy looked at Tracy her face red, tears in her eyes and began to cry.

thanks for all the kind reviews, ideas are also always welcome:). Please keep them coming, helps keep the motivation flowing.


	10. Chapter 10

**_Chapter_**** 10**

_Sara was sitting beside Sam in his hospital bed, the nurses had just finished moving him and had finally allowed her back into see him. "I'm not sure how you dealt with her for so long "Sara stated as she grabbed her brother hand. " I know it may seem like being harsh but like I said it's for your own good, you'll see," if over wake up Sara thought to herself._

_It was an hour later that Sara got up to make a call, she even surprised herself at lengths that she was going to. An old friend from collage was a lawyer at the dA office, she explained the situation to her, from her point at least, and asked her to do this for her and her brother, reminding her about the time that Sam had helped her out when they were in school with a rather questionable boyfriend. Sara and her friend laughed and they reminisced about how Sam had been all bad ass and helped her it was always his way for those he cared about, so in the end Sara's friend promised to do whatever possible and take care of the situation, anything to help Sam get better_

_When Sara returned she found the doctor in Sam's room looking over his latest vitals._

_"How is he doing?" Sara asked_

_"he is doing ok, unfortunately his progress has reverted back to the last few months, I'm working on a theory but I need to check up on some other things I will let you know as soon as I do, ok?"_

_Sara thanked the doctor, and resumed her previous seat beside her brother. Deep down Sara knew she was probably not doing what Sam would want, but he wasn't here to tell her otherwise so all she could do was what she thought best, that what Sam had done and would do with her, so why shouldn't she. Sara slowly closed her eyes and hoped tomorrow would be a better day._

_Andy had stood at the door for what seemed like hours, Tracy had asked her what she was holding and all Andy could do was stand there and stare at her. It took Andy almost a full minutes to regain her composure and give Tracy the letter she had received, it was a court order demanding that she stay away from same As Tracy read over the order it noted that Andy had caused a regress in Sam's condition and that as his next of kin Sara wanted to make sure no further contact would be made setting back his progress any further. Tracy mouth open and closed several times, almost making her look like a gold-fish. Tracy grabbed her hand, and pulled her towards the couch "OMG Andy, I'm sorry I never would have thought….."Tracy babbled. Andy looked up at Tracy her cheeks flush and red, drying tear streaks on her face, "what do I do Trac" was all she could say._

_After a long night, and many tears later, Tracy had headed home, Andy just laid on the couch thinking, and cried herself to sleep. When she woke the next morning her entire body hurt, her face was red and swollen from the amount that she had cried last night. As she sat up she thought to herself that she needed to get a grip and handle this the smart way, the way Sam had taught her, too bad she didn't know how that would be yet. Sometimes you have to color outside the lines a bit, she thought as she headed to the shower so that she could start to fix this mess she now called her life. Freshly showered Andy decided to head to the barn to talk to frank and see if he had any advice or see if there was anything she could do, maybe she could talk to Oliver get his help, get Gail to approach Sara again and tell her the truth she would do it even if is the last thing she wanted was to talk to Gail and ask for her help._

_Andy entered the barn and headed straight for Frank's office, as she approached she knocked quietly and was given a wave to enter followed by silent wave of hello as he was finishing up on the phone. "Yes, yes I understand and I can guarantee my officer will not break the rules" frank stated looking at Andy directly. "I understand, goodbye" McNally, frank said firmly "how you holding up"_

_"I've been better" she stated. Look sir imp guessing you know what is going on and I need your help, I don't know what to do._

_Frank looked at his young officer and smiled. "I know this is hard Andy, but we will all try to help you fix what's happened and try to find a LEGAL way to sort this out, but it's going to take time can you give us that, he asked questionable._

_All Andy could do was stand there and nod her head, he understood, and it took 2 minutes before the entire meeting was over. As Andy excused herself from his office she entered the bullpen, looked around for any familiar faces and sat at her desk to think. After an hour Andy began to think about how Sam would handle this, her mind wandered back_

_Flashback_

_It had been an unusually cold day on patrol, they had sat on the shoulder of the road waiting for a call of any kind at this point. Andy turned to Sam and asked do you have any allergies…he looked at her perplexed, "what is this another game of 20 questions" Andy huffed "common Sam, I just want to know, it's the little things you know she said, rubbing her hand on his thigh. Sam grumbled a bit, grabbed her hand to still it and said "no Andy I have no allergies." She looked at him and smiled "your turn." In turn Sam smiled and said "you" "really that is the most creative you can be "Andy laughed, "I can't take codeine makes me really sick, besides that no, my turn again. What are you most scared of." Sam looked at Andy the fun suddenly gone, should he make a joke or be serious…after a minute he said "clowns…and losing you" Andy was not sure what to say to him, he joked and was serious all at the same time, she decided to follow his lead and leant forward cupping his face with a her hand kissed him. Things quickly got carried away when she straddled him, her back pressed against the steering wheel, as she slowly ground herself into him. Sam never was one for PDA but with her it was different, he was about to mention that they should stop when she suddenly stopped herself, got off him and the next thing blew his mind. She had moved back to her seat and slowly unzipped his pants, the words that he tried to say next seemed to come out as either a groan or sigh as she slowly took him entirely in her mouth, he arched his back as the sounds of protest turned into erratic groans, she looked at him quickly, "what I thought you didn't like games she smirked as she returned and quickened her pace and well she didn't know who won that game, but neither was complaining. Later that night after Sam had repaid the favour, he told Andy about some other fears, and things he had done to help ease his mind. He lovingly stroked her back, feeling that for the first time in a long time it might not be that bad to share the bad as well as the good._

_End flashback_

_Andy's head snapped up, she basically ran from the barn to her house, not stopping for more than a second to catch her breath. As she slammed her door open she ran to her draws and starting throwing things everywhere until, she found what she was looking for, she slid to the ground, and sighed thank god._


	11. Chapter 11

_Chapter 11_

_Thank you for all the reviews, pls keep them coming..._

Andy had sat in her apartment for the rest of the afternoon contemplating what her next move should be. Part of her wondered how Sam would feel about what she was about to do, they weren't together anymore when she left, he had wanted to try, she wanted him back, but she needed time she was still hurting from what he had done. She knew how Sara was feeling, she loved him, but she did to and she thought he would want her there, was she wrong, she knew just the person to talk to help her figure it out, with that she called the one person she thought would have all the answers.

Andy rounded the corner from her condo and headed into the coffee shop a few blocks down. She ordered a coffee and decided to sit down and wait, hoping soon she would be able to figure things out with his help. When she took a sip of her drink, she looked up and was greeted by a warm smile, she stood up and reached in his arms and hugged him, thanks for coming Ollie, no problem McNally.

Andy filled Oliver in what had happened since she had been back, what Gail had said, her latest run in with Sara also telling him she had heard the conversation with Sara for which she thanked him again. Oliver took all the info in and reached across and touched her hand in comfort. Andy continued to explain about her visits to Sam, his decline yesterday, and finally what was happening with being served, which even shocked Oliver. After a couple of minutes Ollie, gently asked "what are you going to do?" That's why I called you here Ollie, I have a way to see him, for them to let me see him, I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do, I need your help "her eyes looked at him pleadingly.

Ok, Andy tell me how can you see him if there is a court order in place. This should be good he thought.

Nick had entered the barn, his first shift back since leaving almost 6 months earlier. Even though he had been back here since then to see frank and to visit he felt strangely out-of-place. His first stop was to frank's office to dot all the I's and cross all the ts. After his meeting he headed to the locker room to change, and start his first shift back. Frank had informed him he was riding with the new TO Marlo for a 2 week period to make sure all things went smooth for his readjustment period. Nick hadn't heard much about Marlo yet, but what better way than to have a day to spend in the car with her he thought. As Nick approached the parade room, his thoughts of Andy and their situation had him distracted, he was abruptly grabbed on the arm and pulled towards an empty interrogation room.

"What the hell "nick exclaimed turning around quickly

"Can we talk for a sec "Gail asked suddenly?

"Look I need to get to parade, what can I do for you, Gail?"

Nick, I'm sorry for everything that has happened and the way I treated you, I told you why I did and said what I said, but what I want to know now is can we move on. We have both made mistakes and I would like to try to move forward together, do you think we can?

Nick looked at Gail and saw that she had dropped her usual ice queen glare and demeanour, and that she looked truly sorry, the only thing he could think of though was that she had still hurt Andy, and still had not made things right. He also thought about how she had told him her feeling which was rare, but after all was said and done he didn't know if he could actually trust her gain, or if he could forgive what she had done to Andy, his friend, his partner his….Nick shook his head to change his thinking, he looked at Gail, bowed his head and covered his face with his hand

"Gail look I'm not sure what will happen in the future, I will always love you, but this is a hard one to forgive. I know we have both made mistakes but you went too far this time, not only did you turn your back on Andy, you thought that I would act that way towards you, what does that say about our relationship. He looked at Gail like he was waiting for an answer.

"Ok, I understand…"with that she turned in her heel and left the room as quickly as she came.

Nick stood there for a minute longer trying to process what happened, sure Gail had done some bad things, to him and to his best friend, but had he not done the same thing by falling for Andy. He knew the feelings he had for her were real, but were they the same as Gail, he needed to figure this out, because until he did how can he pass judgment on her, when he basically did the same thing, except he didn't cause any harm….YET.

WOW….Andy sat across from Oliver, watching him as his mouth still hung open in surprise….WOW.

"Is that all you have to say, "Andy asked her look questioning

"I'm not sure what else to say, Andy. I must say I never saw that one coming"

"I know it happened before, well you know, what do you think I should do... Do I use this, or do I leave things how they are now, and do as Sara asks and walk away?" I know that is not what I want, but maybe Sara is right and I'm not helping him or her. I'm sorry I know I'm rabbling again but I don't want to cause any more problems, but…"

Andy was interrupted by Ollie's raised hand and soft chuckle. "always the same Andy"

"Look I know that Gail has caused some problems for you with Sara, I did try to talk to her, which you know but Sara is looking out for what she thinks is best for Sam, even though she means well she doesn't know you, and she doesn't know how Sam felt about you or that he tried to fix things before you left.

"But what about…" Andy interrupted

"Look Sam waited for you at the penny, as far as he knows you didn't come, but time hasn't really passed for him, so I think that you should go with what your gut tells you, and if you want to be there then do it, but remember Sara is Sam's sister and well you don't need me to tell you how loyal and caring he is towards those he lets in.

Andy sat there and looked across from Oliver once again, she nodded slowly and stood up, before Oliver could stand to join her she was embracing him in a tight hug "thanks Ollie, you're the best" with that Andy ran out of the coffee shop and headed straight towards the hospital to see Sam, and yes Sara she almost groaned. Oliver watched as she left and smiled to himself, she really was a good kid and worthy of his friend, he just hoped that one day he would get the chance to see them happy again, together.

Sara sat in the doctor's office, listening closely to what he had to say. Sam had had a rough night his heart rate had continued to be erratic and some of his injuries still had not healed correctly due to infections and his immobilization. The doctor had discussed this with Sara before, and recommended she consider his wishes in the kind of measures to take next time, perhaps having a dnr, order, (a do not resuscitate order) put in place so as not to continue to put him through this with no chance of a meaningful recovery given the amount of time that had passed. He had mentioned that he wondered about the change in his vitals, during certain times at night, he even mentioned it was around the same time that Andy had come to visit and it had been more than once, but Sara said it was what it was, and nothing more to it, Sara really did believe this, she couldn't have a good effect, could she. Sara had decided that at this point it may be best not to prolong any further suffering, after the last episode it nearly broke her, and she knew that was not Sam, she hoped but as the doctor mentioned he no longer has a real hope of a meaningful recovery even if she wanted him to stay, he wouldn't want be like this, that was a fact. Sara continued to sit in the chair and look blankly at the doctor, they went over facts and cases and with a tear and shaky hand she signed the DNR for Sam. Sara knew that this was not the end, but only in the worst case, he could still come around, he had to fight, but if he got to the point of too much he could let go and have no more pain of ivs, scans and loss of dignity, this was for him. The doctor excused himself and Sara returned to Sam's room, "I love ya little brother, I know you're going to come back, I know you'll fight, but I love ya even if you are being stubborn and taking your time, "Sara rested her head and closed her eyes on Sam bed, his hands grasped in hers, she did not realize that she had fallen asleep until a sharp alarm brought her to an abrupt awakening, the room suddenly abuzz with movement and the notice of people, the medical staff, the last thing she registered hearing was were losing him again before once again Sara was removed from the room, and the curtain closed in front of her face.

_A/N_

_please review and feel free to pm with any suggestion where you would like to see this go or things to include_

_again thanks PP_


	12. Chapter 12

_**Chapter 12**_

_SAM POV_

_He could feel a strange warmth overcoming him more and more, his darkness had stayed the same, but he could feel some of his uneasiness beginning to fade, his sense's started to diminish once again, but overall he had to begin to feel warm, and stranger still almost at peace, something Sam hadn't known in a long time. It was a strange sense, in fact they were all strange, what was happening he could no longer hear or feel the things around him, he just was….it was strange._

Andy entered the hospital almost buzzing, she was doing a slow jog up the stair she couldn't wait to just get this done so that she could finally just see Sam again, she knew the road ahead to would be along one, and that things were far from okay between them but he had always been there when it mattered for her, so she would do the same for him despite their past problems. As Andy approached Sam's room, her attention was drawn to the sobbing noises coming from the adjacent area, when she glanced over her heart began to speed up and her eyes began to well with tears, there leaning against the wall in a crouched position was Sara, her hands may have covered her face, but her sobs were clear through the noises that left her crouch figure, along with what almost seemed like a shudder with every breath she took. Andy stood silent for a moment, not understanding what was happening, even though she knew what it was, she didn't know what to do or say, within a moment Andy saw one of the nurses leaving Sam's room, she be lined over to her, without a taking a breath she sputtered out "what is happening with Sam!"

The nurse, turned and looked at Andy the compassion clear in her eyes when she recognized who she was. Andy didn't realize it was the nurse that had been in Sam's room the other day when she was visiting him, she was too busy huffing to herself sounding almost animatistic as she waited for an answer.

"He had another episode, I'm so sorry at this point it could be hours or days, his heart is just too weak to continue fighting." The nurse explained

"what do you mean, can't you use a machine to help him breath or whatever until you figure out what is happening to him, he's not getting weaker he was getting stronger you said it yourself "Andy questioned her voice beginning to rise with each word spoken

"he had moments that he seemed stronger, but that hasn't occurred again in the recent days, and he seems to be getting weaker and under the new circumstances we can't take any more measures than currently being used, now it is about making him as comfortable as possible "the nurse explained raising her hand slightly to touch Andy's arm if to gain her understanding

"why would you do that, make him comfortable, you need to make him better, and do whatever it takes, he will get better he was, and he will again Andy's voice was firm but still cracking as she uttered the words.

"I'm sorry I can't tell you anything else, I probably shouldn't have told you as much as I did, his sister is his next of kin and well, I'm sure you are aware you shouldn't be here..."The nurse said eying her cautiously

"I have every right to be here, the court order that Sara had me served with is void, I'm not sure about everything yet, I wanted to come here and talk to her first but I guess there is no time for that now, can you please get the doctor to come and see me when Sam is okay, he will be ok still right….."

"As I said his latest episode has left him very weak, we are making him comfortable but I can't tell you what that will mean in the short or long-term, I'm sorry, I will get the doctor to come and see you in his office once Mr. Swarek is stable, it is through those doors on the right, you can wait inside the door "the nurse continued to point towards the door, but Andy's gaze still stayed towards Sam's room, she gently touched her arm again, her head turning back to the nurse, a tear escaping her eye, If anything changes I will come get you, I promise ok" with a nod and whispered thanks she headed towards the doctor's office to wait.

It seemed like forever, Andy sat on the chair as instructed biting her slower lip and tapping her foot. When the doctor approached her she almost didn't acknowledge him as she was wound up she didn't know what to do, when he spoke she almost jumped out of her skin,"Ms. McNally I presume?"

"Yes, Hi I'm Andy "she raised her hand to his shakily

He extended his hand and gently shook hers, "I'm doctor Scully, and I understand you wanted to talk to in regards to ?"

"Yes, I do, please "she replied

"How can I help you?"

"From talking to the nurse earlier, Sam's condition isn't any better, and well she said something about making him comfortable what does that mean? "Andy asked he voice betraying her fear that she was desperately trying to keep hidden

"I'm sorry I can't really tell you much, under the circumstances, being as Ms. Swarek is his next of kin and the obvious order, which she made us aware of…"

Andy quickly interrupted the doctors current thought process and statement and looked at him poignantly. "she may be his next of kin, but I have his medical power of attorney, while I'm sure of all the details, from what I do know I have the right to be involved in his care, and make medical decisions on his behalf, is that not correct."

The doctor looked at her, surprise was not the only expression crossing his face. After a moment and gathering of his thoughts he began to reply.

"Well, I would have to look at the documents, but judging from what you're saying that would be correct."

"Here is a copy of the order, it is dated and notarized, so can you please tell me what is happening with Sam, now….please? "Her voice almost begging

The doctor looked at her, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, he was taken aback by her attempts to steady her words and keep her emotions in check, when it was clear that heart was breaking and her voice was cracking. The doctor motioned for her to take a seat as he approached his desk and opened the file which contained Sam's chart. The doctor spoke slowly going over each detail of Sam's injuries, from the time of the accident until present, he discussed his findings in regards to his current episodes, which were causing his heart to get weaker with every one that he suffered. Looking up at her momentarily, he stopped noting the redness in her eyes, and continued softly until he was able to tell her the reason that the nurse had mentioned making him comfortable was because his sister had signed a DNR Order, which means that they would not give any extreme measures again to stop nature from taking it course. It was loud and abrupt and something the doctor did not expect, Andy sat up full speed sending the chair back against the wall, he was sure her wailing scream could be heard through the entire hospital "no that can't happen".

With a calm tone, the doctor began to speak again "Ms. McNally, seeing as this order was decided upon before Swarek had given you his medical power of attorney we can discuss any changes in his care that you would like, that is why we went through all of his diagnosis' in detail."

Andy took in everything that the doctor had said and seemed to visibly calm down, "I'm sorry, it's just….you caught me off guard, I never thought that Sara would do that, or that it would come to this, I just, he needs to get better, and I want to do what is best for him.

The doctor again looked poignantly at Andy, "I understand, you have to do what you think is best given the change in circumstances, would you like me to give you some time "he asked

"No, I only have one question, if anything changes, I don't want…" it was at that moment that everything came crashing down, the realization of what she was doing, of what Sam had trusted her to do, how could she have been so blind in the past not to realize that even if he made a mistake when he walked away from her, she had walked away from him more than once but he still had trusted her to have her partner back always… The reality was crushing, and humbling all at the same time, she would help him, like he had always helped her and that ment what was best for him, no matter what the future may hold. Andy dried her face, "I'm sorry, I just want to know that, I don't want him in any pain, I want him to try again, have a chance, if it gets to the point if he is suffering can I… Doctor Scully raised his hand in understanding "yes, you can reinstate the DNR in the future, if things don't get better. So we will have to start processing the changes and we will make sure that we do all we can, to start we will be putting him on oxygen again and starting iv antibiotics to help clear up some of the infections, does that sound alright?"

"Yes please Andy replied, please let me know if you need anything else, can I go see him now"andy whispered

"yes, he should be back in his room now, ill let the nurses and the administration know of the changes alright, and ill keep you posted on any results we receive back"

Andy thanked the doctor and headed to sam's room. As she walked nearer to his room, a tear escaped her eye, which she quickly wiped away. Opening the door to his room, Andy walked over to sit beside him, she was surprised Sara was not yet in the room, but took a moment to breathe, she was relieved, she would have a moment alone with Sam, and time to think how to deal with Sara. Andy was pushing the hair back from sam's face,gently rubbing her thumb over his ear when she heard someone yell "sara"from the hallway it was Ollie. She would hear them outside the door, it was wrong to listen, but it wasn't her fault they were talking there, so what could she do but listen, right.

"Ollie thanks for coming, I didn't know who else to call"sara said her voice strained

"whats wrong, is he okay?"the sudden calmness gone from his voice

Sara broke down in tears, and leaned into oliver as he offered her an embrace. She babbled on about what the doctor said and the decision that she had made, causing a brief gasp from oliver. Sara continued to lean into Oliver, explaining the hardest thing she had ever done, it was then that she became even more shocked by her brothers best friend

"is it"

"Is it what Oliver"Sara exclaimed hurt beginning to surface in her voice

"The hardest thing?"

"How can you even ask me that Ollie?"

"Look I know it's hard, that's not what I meant but, can you imagine how Andy must feel as well, she loves him, and I know you know that he does as well"

Sara took a step further back, and looked at him her eyes glazing over in unshed tears,

"do you have any idea what she did to him, she left him, not once but twice, she broke his heart, almost got him killed, and then….."

"Then what sara"Oliver asked gently

"He…said he couldn't live without her, he wouldn't….she broke him Ollie, he's here because of her, and she made him do this"

They both made a sudden turn, to hear a noise coming from Sam's' room, it was a low, soft sob, it almost seemed to convey a hidden loss, and sadness, they peered into Sam's room their words still lingering to see Andy, sitting their clutching Sam's hand, her head down in the crook of his neck, silently sobbing.

AN:please review, comments are always helpful with the creative process, also pms welcome with suggestions and ideas

thanks PP


	13. Chapter 13

_ AN:sorry for the wait, busy time. Please keep the reviews and suggestions coming they help me greatly with my writing, and motivation_

Andy had heard everything that Sara had said and it broke her, because she thought that she had broken him. She knew that things between them had never been perfect but they did love each other and both had made their fair share of mistakes, some which she had admitted earlier some only being realized earlier today, but did she really make him do this, had she really broken him, like she feared always that he would break her?

Oliver walked into the room, kneeled beside Andy and took her hand. "Andy look at me okay, this is not your fault, it was an accident, okay," Andy looked up her expression heartbreaking, tears still escaping her eyes, she put her hand over top of Ollie's and whispered "I'm glad you're here, I need a minute, I don't want him to feel me getting upset, I'll go get cleaned up and be right back, "her voice shaky and cracking.

"Take as long as you need" Oliver whispered

When Andy exited the room, she was greeted by the chilling eyes again of Sara. "What are you doing here, this is the only chance I will give you before I have to call the police and security and have you removed, do I make myself clear" her voice was clear and strong, but her eyes still told another story.

"Look Sara I can't do this now, I'm going to get cleaned up then come back to sit with him, I have spoken with the doctor, and had the DNR rescinded, and..."Andy was abruptly cut off by Sara

"How dare you, you have no right to do that, even to talk to his doctor given the circumstance, I am his next of kin you are no one, you have some nerve, wait until…" Andy raised her hand to silence Sara, she then pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Sara.

"As you can see I have very right, I am Sam's medical Power of attorney, he asked me to do this for him, to make these choices, I may not have been here in the beginning but I am here now and I will, continue to be from now on. "Andy said her strength starting to return. "Look Sara I respect you and everything you have done for Sam, and everything he means to you, but that does not mean I don't deserve the same, he loves me and I love him, you may not see that, because of whatever you think you know, or have heard but what we had, doesn't just go away," Andy sighed and looked up at Sara. If she thought that maybe she could crack her armor, maybe try to work it out, boy was she wrong, all she was met with was a look of disgust coming from Sara.

"Wow I thought I had seen it all, you think you can come in here after all this time and take over that is not the way things are going to happen, this will change, and I will change them." With a few words huffed under her breath Sara left, Andy just stood there and sighed.

After collecting herself, Andy returned to Sam's room, stood at the door and watched as Ollie laughed to himself over jokes that he had shared with Sam over the year, it was a humbling moment. As Andy entered the room she gently touched Ollie's arm and thanked him for all his support, all she knows now is thing have to get better, because they can't get any worse, right?

It had been just over a week since Andy had asked to have the DNR removed, and since she had begun to see Sam more. She had come to see him every day, taking a leave of absence from work to make sure she could spend some more time with him, she had bumped into Sara only twice, now she was the one doing the nightly visits, it seemed sad that it had come to that with Sam's sister it was not what she wanted but she figured it was her choice, she had not asked her to stop coming, she just did.

As the days passed to weeks Sam began to show signs of improvement, his condition had stabilized and he had not further episodes causing his condition to worsen. Andy was sitting beside him in the chair reading to him, she had decided to go back to an old favorite of his in the beginning, and well at least she thought it was Moby dick. After reading this to him for a few days, she felt herself falling asleep, she couldn't imagine what it was doing to him, she had had many countless discussions with him, all one-sided she had giggled to herself, at least she was always right. One night while she laying at home sleeping on the couch it hit her like a flash what she should read to him it would be good for both of them, interesting, loving, heartbreaking all at the same time it was perfect. The next day Andy headed to the book store, bought the first book in the series with a sly smile on her face and headed to see Sam, today would be a good day she could feel it. She had been reading to him for a couple of hours before she decided to take a break and get some air, wow did she need air, maybe this book wasn't such a good idea after all.

When Andy finally returned to Sam's room she looked at him, he looked better, so she decided what the hell she would continue with this book for a while what could it hurt.

Andy felt tears running down her face as she continues to read, she didn't realize how this book seemed to touch upon so many things in her life, and the life she had with Sam, or wanted with him.

_"This is me, Ana. All of me...and I'm all yours. What do I have to do to make you realize that? To make you see that I want you any way I can get you. That I love you."_

"you know Sam, its true always has been, it was always you, I know I pushed I just wanted you, always will, I just wanted to show you that despite your past, my past, our past that I only ever wanted you, does that make sence? Andy looked at Sam, with hope maybe he would answer her soon, and all she could do was wait, he always did.

Continuing to read, more things seeming to resonate to them…

_"Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me. Perhaps I've spent too long in the company of my literary romantic heroes, and consequently my ideals and expectations are far too high." _

_"You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince" _

_"I don't know whether to worship at your feet or spank the living shit out of you."_

_"Don't leave me," he whispers._

_"Oh, for crying out loud—no! I am not going to go!" I shout and it's cathartic. There, I've said it. I am not leaving._

_"Really?" His eyes widen._

_"What can I do to make you understand I will not run? What can I say?"  
He gazes at me, revealing his fear and anguish again. He swallows. "There is one thing you can do."_

_"What?" I snap._

_"Marry me," he whispers."_

The tears in Andy's eyes show pain as her own memories flow, it is when she begins the last sentences that she breaks down her last resolve gone, un aware of the stranger that has listened to her from behind door, and continues to look on at the anguish in Andy's eyes. With a sniffle Andy read

_"I hug him tightly. "I can't imagine my life without you, Christian. I love you so much it frightens me." "Me, too," he breathes. "My life would be empty without you. I love you so much." _

_"He makes me graceful, that's his skill. He makes me sexy, because that's what he is. He makes me feel loved, because in spite of his fifty shades, he has a wealth of love to give." _E.L. James,

"I know the universe has a plan for us, it may be messy, but I want us to be that mess together, I need you to keep me level, keep me straight, keep me sane, I need my friend, my partner, my lover, I need you, whatever you can give me I will take, just please find a way to need me as much as I need you!" With the last of her tears cried, she rested her head on his chest, silently holding his hand in a death grasp as she fell asleep.

Time passed slowly her sleep not sound, the feel of a hand touching her hair soothingly helped her settle down and sigh again in and out of her sleepy state, her realization came abruptly as she sat up in a frenzy, "OMG Sam"

_please review as always thats for the support_


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

She gazed over him careful not to dislodge any of the wires that held him in place. Through here hazy eyes she placed a pressed a gentle kiss to his hand as she still clutched it her reached behind her without taking his eyes from him and sat up a bit straighter trying to regain some composure and alertness.

"Hey," was at first all she could muster, tears choked her voice off and she struggled to make enough volume to actually realize she was talking to him. Sam…I'm here, it Andy can you hear me?"

She began to cry when she blinked and realized that his eyes had remained closed and that she had harbored this fantasy that the second he woke up and they touched her would instantly hear him speak and she would know that he would be alright. Her mind was playing tricks on her again as she looked at him, tears running down her face, he was and silent and unresponsive but he was still here. She let the emotions run their course and when she found her voice again she began speaking softly, telling him where they had left off in their readings, telling him what had happened since she had returned. she spoke to him about the meaning in the book and the feelings of love and loss and the comparisons she had made, she whispered her dreams of a futures she had only begun to hope for with him before things had gone south with them, she told him what he meant to her, what he had always meant and what her life would be without him. "Every couple has one breakup," she repeated the words that Gail had said to her so long ago almost seeming unreal back then, the words twisted on her tongue and stung her eyes with silent memories. Deep down she had always thought they had always been destined to be, a couple, two as one. "We had our break, bigger than any other so that means it will forever this time right?" Andy said her face still trained on him.

"I love you. You know that right? I need you to come back to me because I need to show you how much you mean to me, I'm going to show you ill always have your back. Please don't leave me behind….. Please… stay."

She looked at him longingly waiting for her prayers to be answered, she watched as the machines whined and whirred, and his chest rose and fell. The monitors beeped, showing his steady heartbeat, but he remained silent and still.

She continued to sit for a moment, her head bowed as she listened to his heart continue to beat, and she had been so sure that he had responded to her.

Resigning to get some air she stood and gently placed his hand back on his chest leaned over and kissed the corner of his mouth tenderly. "I won't give up on us," she whispered, touching the backs of her fingers to his lips in a light caress, " I won't give up on you….I'll be back soon, and I'll continue to be back every day until you come back to me, or I get myself in trouble and end up next to you" she chuckled to herself, "at least we would be living together"

_Sam POV_

_ Everything had been dark and silent, he hadn't thought a thought or felt an emotion for….well, he didn't know how long. There had been peace, something he had not known for years. No turmoil, no…complications, simply being. But something had been wrong, deep he had felt a vague sense of loss, of having misplaced something irreplaceable, he simply couldn't remember what it was._

_Awareness had returned slowly, with the sound of heart monitors and whispering footsteps, nothing specific that he could put a name to, just a feeling of rising up out of a blackness so pervasive, it had seemed like skin. And then a sadness washed over him, not a remembered sadness, but one he knew he had carried for some time. It gnawed at him like an itch he couldn't scratch, or a sound he couldn't name. In a strange instant he felt a rush of something almost like déjà vu, it rolled over him in waves. The feel of her arms around him, the taste of her mouth on his. Jolting suddenly like he couldn't control his limbs, he felt the sudden sensation of warmth under his palm as his eyes began to flutter open, the light burning his eyes, as if he was seeing for the first time, trying to focus on the silhouette in front of him, for an unknown reason, as if all clarity had returned to him out of a fog, he spoke without thinking, stay._

"Sam?" her voice asked, shakily and charged with intense emotion.

She looked at him to see if her eyes were playing tricks on her, she was frightened that he might not really be awake and that she was still dreaming. This time when she blinked, her eyes slowly reopening to see him staring back at her, The relief was so extreme it made her whimper, and had she been able to speak she sure it would have come out as a sob.

Even so, his reaction to her touch was immediate and clear, as was her response. She saw recognition in his eyes, as she slowly moved his hair from face,

"Hey."

"Hey", he replied.

"Are you really here?" he asked softly, needing to be sure.

He felt his hand being lifted and placed against her chest, the thumping of her heart strong, and constant leaving a warm feeling beneath his palm "Convinced? "She asked softly.

Andy looked away and swallowed a sob that threatened to erupt, and could only try to hide the tears that threatened to fall

"Andy, "his voice whispered as he slowly moved his hand to touch her cheek, "what..."

"You were in an accident, you got hurt pretty bad," her eyes continued darting around the room in an effort to keep up her small emotional control

"Guess I'll be a few days late taking you for that drink!"

As Andy turned her head to look at him, his face still pale under the florescent lights, his voice still whispering, she took his hand in hers, letting a small tear escape her eye

"No Sam, I hope I'm not too late to take you for that drink"

Pls review as always and let me know thoughts/feeling where to go from here

cheers pp


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Sam had been awake for almost 30 minutes when Andy decided that she had to start to fill in the rest of the world of his awakening. When his eyes started to droop she told him that she was going to get the doctor and that she would be back soon, letting his hand slip from hers, she heard him mumble "I love you" before his eyes closed again, quickly leaning over him and kissing his cheek she returned the sentiment before heading to the nurses station.

"Hi could you please call the doctor, Sam is awake now, well he was awake he just fell back asleep "Andy rambled at the nurse behind the desk.

"That's great I will defiantly page him now, and I'll be in soon to check his vitals "the nurse stated

"Ok if he comes to and I'm not back before or when the doctor come please tell them I'm just making a few phone calls to let everyone know he is awake."

The nurse smiled and nodded at Andy, as she proceeded down the hall towards the waiting room. Feeling somewhat hesitant she decided first to call Sara better to get it over and done with she thought to herself. As she dialed the number, her heart still pounding in her chest as she heard the person on the other end answer "hello"

"Sara, its Andy, Andy McNally, Sam's"

"I know who it is what do you want" her cold tone not being missed on Andy

"Sam's awake, just thought I should call you but if you don't…"

"He's awake, when, how, is he okay…"Sara rambled

"Sara, breath okay, he woke up about an hour ago he is doing fine, waiting for the doctor to come in "Andy stated finally breathing

"Wow, okay, can I come and…"

"Of course, you don't even have to ask "Andy said without thinking

"Thank you Andy, I'll be there as soon as I can" she said without hesitation

With the call ended Andy called the station and told Best, followed by Oliver and Nick, by the time she was done she felt exhausted, and mentally drained but so relieved she couldn't stop her head from spinning. With a deep breath she headed back to Sam's room, looking at the time she realized that she had taken longer than she had intended and hoped she had not missed the doctor.

When Andy returned the doctor had just finished examining sam.

"Hello, Ms. McNally "the doctor said

"Hi, sorry I had some phone calls to make, how he is "Andy asked

"he is doing very well considering we will have to wait for some new results but things look good, he's got a long road ahead but I'm sure he'll make a full recovery "he looked at Andy, "do you have any other questions?"

"How long will he be here?"

"That depends on his next round of results, from there he will be discharged to a facility to begin therapy to start to regain his mobility…"

"Ok when will we have the next batch of test results" Andy asked looking over at Sam for a minute

"Within the next week, I'll make sure you are kept updated ok"

"Thank you very much for everything I appreciate it more than you know..." Andy smiled at the doctor as he headed out of the room

Andy sat down in the chair beside Sam's bed, he was sleeping peacefully not showing any further signs of stirring, she gently took his hand in hers and let a silent tear roll down her cheek, he would be alright, that was all she could ever ask for, she was not sure what the future would hold for them but she hoped it would be a long and happy one. With the events of the last few days catching up to her she laid her head down on Sam's chest so she could feel his heart beating as his chest rose and fell, she just needed him to get better and she closed her eyes dreaming of a future that she hoped she would have with Sam.

Waking up with what seemed like only minutes later Sam was stroking her hair as she continued to have her head on his chest, "you know drooling is overrated right "she looked up at him, his full dimpled smile on his face "you know sleeping beauty is just a fairy tale right, and it's not really cool to sleep that long?"

"Well I was just waiting for a kiss from my princess to wake me up, "his tone cocky and oh so Sam

"Well I think..."Andy stammered before she was cut off by Sam pushing his lips to hers in a kiss that was both longing and passionate. Minutes seem to pass, before they heard a cough envelope the room letting them know that they were not alone, Andy quickly released Sam's hand that she had apparently grabbed sometime during their kiss, Andy quickly snapped her neck back to look at the entrance to the door there stood Sara her mouth slightly open, her eyes unreadable to most but to Andy it was almost like shock at seeing Sam actually awake, actually moving.

"Hi"she said from the doorway

"Hi, "Andy repeated quickly her response not lost on Sam

"Am I going to get a hello "he smirked? With 3 quick steps Sara was beside the bed and almost strangling him in a hug, without intention at least Andy hoped Sara had knocked her back towards the floor. Andy hit the floor with a thump quickly trying to regain her footing without too much attention, Sam moved his head from beside his sister to look at Andy

"Hey watch it Sara "he put his hand on Andy's as she used the bed to regain her footing

"Yeah I'm fine Sam, lost my balance that's all"

"You sure"

"Yah, look I'm going to go call frank again and let him know that you can have visitors along with Ollie okay, I'll leave you to spend some time with your sister, ok"

"You don't have to leave "his voice almost sounding unsure

"I'll be back in a bit ok" when Andy went to move he grabbed her hand and pulled her back towards him, his strength was strange she thought considering the situation that he had just arisen from, he tugged her down towards his chest and hugged her gently "I love you "he whispered, Andy looked at him and back at Sara, "I know "enjoy your visit I'll see you soon" with that Andy left the room, and made her way to the exit. When Andy finally breathed in the fresh air from across the lot outside the hospital she finally let the tears take over, she was so lost, he said he loved her, she had said it to him many times over the past weeks and she meant it, every time now with him awake and Sara present she realized how scared she was, not of him, or their past or their future, she was scared once he knew the full extent of how long had past, that she had left him would he still love her, would he still want her or would he leave again, because there was no going back, all she knew for her there was not more going back only forward because Sam was it for her, she could only hope it was the same for him once he knew the truth.

A/N: please review, where should we go next any ideas suggestions you want to see pls pm me

cheers pp


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Sam laid in his bed many thoughts swirling around in his head, things made sense but they didn't, things that seemed clear weren't, things were a mess. In Sam's head he had just woken up, the accident had happened that much he knew past that things were a blur. He remembered the bomb in Andy's hand clear as day, he knew he loved her, he knew he had asked her for another chance, and she was here so that must have meant that she gave it to him he wasn't sure how they got from point a to point b, but judging from what Sara had told him the was no point a to b it was just a, they hadn't fixed anything, she had left but he was still there, he just didn't know it. A tear escaped his eye as things continued to swirl around and around, he felt a hand on his arm that brought him back out of his deep thoughts,

"What's going on in that head of yours little brother?"

"I don't know, none of it makes sense, I don't understand how any of this is happening, I just don't know?"

Sara looked at her brother the pain in his eyes broke her heart for him all over again, she could see the love that he had for Andy and the pain that she had caused him but she was beginning to realize that maybe she had made a mistake in punishing her, instead of trying to understand her.

"Sam, I don't know what to tell you, all I know is I tried to keep her away, but she kept coming back, I pushed she pushed harder, I did something's that may not be to your liking well discuss that later, I finally think that I understand what you see in her, but that doesn't mean I forgive what she did and made you do!"

"What did she make me do Sara, what are you referring to? "He asked with his classic raised eyebrow

"She broke you, and your heart and made this happen to you "she said as a fact

Sam just looked at her, she may have broken him, but he broke her to, he didn't know how to feel about the whole thing all he knew is he need to rest and to let this settle in, he said he needed time to Sara, she hugged and kissed him good-bye saying to call if he needed anything she would come right back, he said he would as he watched her leave, closing his eyes the room starting to spin, what next he could only guess as he fell asleep.

When Andy entered the hospital it seemed like she was dreaming, she felt that today would be A defining moment in her life and hopefully her life with Sam, a lot was riding on the next words she spoke with him she just hoped that he would understand and forgive her and that she could find a way to get past her pain, and the ever constant urge to run.

Entering his room she sighed at how peaceful he looked, although he was still hooked up to wires there weren't as many as before, he was getting better, he would continue to get better, and she would help him, at least she hoped he would let her. Approaching his bed, his head turned towards her, "hi" she said

"Hi"

"Did I wake you?"

"No I was just thinking "his tone was normal but sounded guarded

"Care to share "she said testing the waters with him

"Andy…."

"Hey, I'm not sure what you know but I want to…"

"What Andy, what do you want to know, what my sister told me that you didn't"

"Sam I wanted to tell you everything, there wasn't time yet, your sister and I haven't exactly seen eye to eye since I came back, I wanted to give you time to see her, but I did, I do want to tell you everything "she said her tone almost pleading

He looked at her, her eyes pleading. He was doing what he did best push her away, he needed to hear her out, and he needed to find a way to not shut her out, what she might say might break him again but if they were to have a future he would need to try.

Andy sat there on the edge of his bed slowly replaying all the events of the past weeks, trying not to leave out a detail, she told him about the court order from Sara, the proxy that she used from him to regain control over the situation, when she had told him that part she could almost swear she heard him chuckle.

"All and all that's about it she said, so you didn't miss much "she smiled slightly trying to lighten the situation and gauge his reaction

"Wow" was all he said

"Do you have any questions "she asked attentively?

"Wow "he said again

"look Sam I know it's a lot to take in, I just want you to know I loved you then, I love you know I may have run but it wasn't just from you, it was from me to, I was scared, hurt and I didn't want to be that girl, does that make sense"

"Andy, I get it I do, I messed up to, I know things were bad before you left, but you still left and I'm finding it hard to figure this out, I do know I love you, and you were here in the end, but still?" Andy cut him off "Sam, this is the same road we have been down before, I hurt you, you hurt me, I want that to stop, I want you, all of you, I don't want the past I want a future, a future with you, I don't know what else to say, if you need time, I'll give it to you, if you want me to leave and not look back, it will be hard but I will, if you want to be friends, well work at it, but whatever you do, know I want to help you get better, I want to show you I mean it no more running, I don't just want you I need you."

Sam looked at Andy, tears had begun to stream down her face, her words almost a dream, he cupped her face in his hands and did the only thing he could, he whispered

"All I ever wanted was you"

_A/N:PLEASE READ AND REVIEW AS ALWAYS_

_THANKS PP_


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Sam had made a slow but steady recovery, it had been 6 weeks since Sam had woken up and things had gone pretty well for them, Andy had kept her promise and had been there with him every step of the way, things between her and Sara were still not great but she could she was trying and decided that she would at least try for her brother.

Andy had entered the hospital after her shift it had been a rough one, they had been called to a domestic and things had gotten out of hand. The result was Andy ending up with a very colorful Shiner and other minor cuts and scrapes, the boyfriend somehow had ended up much the Sam way when he was put in the car, Nick had said he tripped, Andy had just laughed. Their friendship was starting to return to its once comfortable place she had worked with him and Gail long and hard to try to repair what was broken, it wasn't perfect but it was a start.

When Andy entered his room, he turned to face her a smile on his face that she barely caught before for it dropped from his face "Andy what the hell happened" he said the worry clear in his eyes

"Sam I'm fine don't worry, got a little roughed up by a pissed off boyfriend, you should see him "she laughed trying to lighten the situation

"Come here "he motioned reaching out his hand for her to take

Andy responded and took his hand before giving him a quick hug, when he squeezed a little too much she winced in pain, he jumped back quickly almost causing her to stumble back

"Sorry, sorry" he said

"Sam I'm fine just a little sore that's all, I really needed that today "her eyes said shining

"What you needed me to hurt you "his voice on edge

"Don't be ridiculous I needed to feel you sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that I get to see you at the end of the day, I can't wait for you to come home "he eyes glistened with unshed tears

"I'm sorry sweetheart, you know I don't like seeing you hurt, I do have some news on that other front though"

"What front "she asked questionably

"The doctor said I can go home at the end of the week I'll still need time and therapy but they think I can continue that from home"

This time it was Andy that was bouncy, "really. That's fantastic Sam I can't wait for that…" her eyes suddenly dropped, her bouncy stopped

"What's wrong?"

"Well, it's not, but are you going back to your house" she asked

"Yes Andy "he laughed "where else would I go "not seeing the problem

"well look, Sara already said that is planning on staying here as she took leave of absence and you know how things are, I just want to be there and take care of you and she lives with you now, I just worry that things will be difficult and I don't want that for you or her, you've been through too much and so has she" tears slowly touching the side of her face

"Andy look Sara may be staying at my place, but it's my place, she does have a life of her own you know and the fact that I'm coming home, with a sexy nurse" he winked, "I'm sure she'll be glad to get on with it once she knows I'm coming home and have help "he smiled

"Sam….I just don't want to make anything harder for you when you get home"

"Andy you won't I don't want you there, I need you there, I'm not saying I'll be the best patient cause got knows I tend to be stubborn sometimes so I'm told, but I can't imagine my house or life without you in it "he smiled

"Okay, I'll be there as much as I can to help you, but you'll still need…"

"What do you mean as much as you can "he questioned

"I'll come after shift and I can try to come in the mornings aswell…"

"No Andy I don't want that"

"But Sam you just said"

"Andy I want you to stay there permanently I want you to move in with me"

_a/n:_

_short chapter just a transition. thank you for those that took time to review it means a lot as I received very few last chapters, want to make sure your still there_

_cheers PP_


	18. Chapter 18

"What can I say, in a sucker for the dimples "Andy said as she looked at her friend before continuing to packing?

"I know you are but really this seems quick for you, and you're not running scared, no offence but I'm just a little shocked "Tracy said her tone warm and motherly but still worrisome

"trac you know how much we have been through together, we love each other, and have almost lost each other all in the span of a year, it may seem soon and I'm sure we will have our problems but I'm not saving the good candy for last anymore, I'm going to dig in and enjoy it while I got it "she smirked at Tracy

"wow that wasn't lame at all "she laughed, "well if your happy, I'm happy just don't try and do it all right away to settle back in to things ok?"

"I know Tracy, Sam and I talked about it already and what would happen if things became too much and I really think that this time he won't give up without a fight, and…"

"You won't run "Tracy finished

"Yeah, I won't run, I love him" she stated, the affection in her eyes as clear as day

"So how did Sara take to the news "Tracy Laughed?

"Well how much time ya got" Andy laughed at her friend

"I have time and wine "they laughed in unison

_Flashback_

_"Look Sara, it's my house and my life so you just need to deal with it! "Sam said, his voice rough and low_

_"let me get this straight, I've tried, god know I've tried, still am, but now she has you kicking me out of your house after I've been here for you every step of the way the last six months so she can move in with you and play happy families, did I get that right? "She sneered_

_"No Sara that's not what's happening I love her okay, I want her with me, I want that chance and you should be happy I'm being given a chance, I love you for what you did but I really just want to start something with her, you get that right"_

_"Sam, I may get it but still you're putting her over me, I have been here for you…"_

_"I'm lucky I'm here "he mumbled, _

_"What "she said looking at him with uncertainty_

_"If Andy didn't do what she did, I wouldn't be here, remember that part"_

_With the back of her hand Sara smacked his face, shocking covering his features with a burning sensation, "you are unbelievable" she yelled as she left the room, it had taken Andy an hour to get him to tell her what happened, then another hour to try to get Andy to even consider coming back after she slapped him for being an asshole herself, turns out she was his house with Sara, telling her exactly what she thought of what he said._

_End flashback_

"Ever since then things with Sara have gotten better, she seems to understand me more and be willing to give me the benefit of the doubt for real this time "she laughed

"Andy I'm really happy for you both, you deserve it"

At that there was a knock on the door, Andy rushed to grab it wondering who would be visiting her at this time of day, she swung it open to see Nick standing there, Gail beside him with big cheesy grins plastered on their faces. "Well you to look happy" she exclaimed

_Flashback_

_While a lot had changed since she and nick had returned from Dakota, on thing hadn't her friendship with nick. Things had been strained between them, and Gail and there was a lot of hurt and blame still going on between the three. Although Andy had forgiven Gail, she still hadn't forgot what her anger had turned her into, she was still cautious around her at times but Gail had tried really hard to earn her friends trust and forgiveness back, when Nick had seen how truly sorry for her actions she was things between them had started to get better, they had started talking and getting over the past, just like Andy and Sam had, in the end they decided to really give it another go, and that led to them standing on her doorstep with the latest news._

_End flashback_

"You're kidding me "Andy yelled as she jumped up and down

"Does it look like it" Gail said with her trade mark smirk and tone

"Wow guys that's awesome, so when is the big day "she asked

"As soon as you get that guy of yours better "nick said "we want all our family and friends there with us on the big day

"I'm so happy for you both" she said as she pulled them both in for a hug

"We still have one problem though "nick said

"What"

"Who gets you as their best man, woman they laughed

Andy had talked with her friends before it was time for Tracy to go, she drove her to the hospital and dropped her off, when she walked into Sam's room, he smiled from ear to ear, "well hello" he mumbled as she kissed him

"Hi"

"You look happy "he said

"I am, I finally feel like everything is going to be okay and that the universe did have a plan, ya know"

"What do you mean "he said slightly confused?

Andy told Sam about her conversation with Tracy, and about Nick and Gail's news, he looked at her with bewildered eyes, "what" she asked not sure what to make of his expression

"You never cease to amaze me "he said. Andy looked at him with a questioning gaze, clear she didn't understand what he meant

"You have the biggest heart of anyone I ever met, I can't believe that after everything you want me and that this is happening" he said

Andy looked at him, he never said much about his feeling, he never shared his hopes for the future, but at that moment Andy knew that despite there up and downs they would make it work, they had both changed for the better, learned what real love was, and what to do to make it work. Sam looked at her as a tear fell down her cheek, he rubbed it away with his thumb and pulled her to him, kissing her head gently "I love you McNally" he whispered, she sat up, her face a drastic change from seconds ago, this time his look was one of surprise, "what "he asked still slightly taken aback

"Told ya the universe had a plan for us" she smirked as she suddenly straddled him showing what part she wanted to look forward to next.

_a/n: only one chapter left to go I think, please review as always and let me know your thoughts_

_Cheers PP_


	19. Chapter 19

_It happened because the universe had a plan for us….._

Time had flown since Sam had been released from the hospital. It had been 6 months since the day he came home, just over a year since she lad left for Dakota and 8 months since she had gotten her life back. She was laying on bed in their room looking out the window when she heard him enter the room "what are you thinking" he asked as he came and sat beside her

"How lucky I am to have you" she smiled

"Goes both ways sweetheart "he smiled

"What do you want to do today" she smiled

"Well I can think of something" he said as he waggled his eyebrows at her as he continued to move towards her, she slapped his chest playfully, "well I guess I could be persuaded" she giggled

"Yeah" he smiled. "Yeah." Suddenly her expression changed to one that was complete

"Do you have any left "she asked?

"What are you talking about "he asked bewildered?

"Protection "she smiled. As quickly as the words had left her lips, she was on back with him holding her hands above her head, "you think your funny don't you" he laughed,

"Well I am awesome "she said

"I'll show you awesome "he said as he kissed her gently, "I'm also going to..."

**_Flashback _**

_Sam's recovery had gone very well better than the doctors had expected, he was able to move around more freely now that he had regained much of the muscle he had lost while in the hospital, his heart had also seemly healed, all because of Andy he always said. The doctor had called him and asked him to come in and go over some of his latest test results, "can't it wait until next time "he asked_

_"I think that it something that we should discuss sooner rather than later, just so you and your partner can be informed and go ahead from there"_

_"Is there something wrong "his voice slightly lowered_

_"I can't discuss it over the phone but it is something that you may want to learn about more about, I will tell you that it won't cause you any further delay in your recovery though."_

_Sam hung up the phone he wasn't sure what to think or even if he should mention it to her, he didn't want her to worry, but he didn't want to hide it either, he was broken out of his thought by a pair of hands reaching their way around his waist, "how was your day "he asked_

_"Ok, yours "she replied_

_"Interesting?" "What do you mean?"_

_"The doctor called wants me to come in and see him tomorrow, wants you to come, think you can make it "he asked as he looked back at her... He could tell that she wasn't telling him something, "what is it Andy?"_

_"What time is your appointment," she asked_

_"230 is that a problem"_

_"Did he tell you what it's about" she asked sounding slightly worried_

_"No just that is was something that came up in some results but won't affect my recovery "he stated_

_"Well I have an appointment myself across the street so as soon as I'm done ill join you is that ok,"she asked_

_"Yeah its fine, you're ok right?"_

_"Yes Sam I'm fine just a normal checkup "she said as she kissed him and sat on his lap "you worried about tomorrow?"_

_"No I don't think so, he said it's not going to change my recovery so whatever it is it can't be that bad, right?"_

_"Your right "she smiled _

_The next day Andy and Sam went about their normal routine, she went to work, and said she would meet him after her appointment. When Sam entered the doctor's office even though he said not to worry he still did. He sat down and waited many scenarios running through his head, when the doctor came in he shook his hand and followed him back to his office where he took a seat on the other side of his desk, "how are you today , Sam" he asked. "Look doc no offence can we just get on with it, pleaser?" at that moment a knock came from the door it was the nurse leading Andy into the room. She leaned in and hugged before taking a seat beside him, "you were saying" he asked. "As I said on the phone Sam it's nothing new to your condition. when we ran your labs we found some evidence that you suffer from….are you sure you wouldn't like to continue this in private "he asked quietly, "no whatever it is you can say it front of Andy, no secrets "he said as he gripped her hand, she smiled at him and returned his grip, "no secrets" she whispered. "As I was saying, we found evidence that you suffer from something called retrograde ejaculation, it is something we confirmed from your medical history. " He stated "what the hell does that mean?" Sam asked "it basically means that your sperm are traveling backward into the bladder instead of out your penis during ejaculation, and that there is only a 1 percent chance that you will be able to get your partner pregnant "he finished. Sam's head sunk to his chest, his hands releasing Andy's as they came up to cover his face, he didn't want to look at Andy, what would this mean for their future he knew that Andy wanted kids but now, he couldn't would she stay with him. The doctor excused himself giving them a minute to talk, Sam turned his head watching he doctor walk out but still not looking at Andy, he finally let out a breath and turned his head to look at her, in his life he had only been surprised a handful of times, including the times that Andy tackled him and when she said she loved him for the first time, this was equally shocking, she wasn't crying, she wasn't sad, she was smiling and shaking, she looked so happy._

_"Andy what the…"he said the shock clear in voice _

_"Sam I just came from the doctor, and…"_

_"Oh god Andy is everything all right "he asked suddenly concerned_

_"Yes Sam, I wasn't sure how you were going to take this news but I'm pregnant "she whispered_

_"What "he stammered_

_"I just found out, I'm almost 12 weeks "she said bending down to ouch his arm, "Are you ok with this "she continued_

_He looked up at her his eyes were glistening with unshed tears, _

_"Sam "she said quietly. Within seconds she was being spun around in the air,_

_ "it's better than okay, it great" he said, _

_"Sam" she said slightly unsteady._

_ "What, are you okay, I didn't hurt you did I" _

_"No but your making me dizzy, "she laughed"_

_End flashback_

They laid there together, limbs inter locked

"told you im awesome" he smirked, as her looked at her small bump

"good maybe"she smiled

"well maybe you need more convincing" he smiled as he began to kiss her again

"maybe," she smirkered

In that moments as sam hovered above her she smiled to herself, as she looked at him, his hand caressing her belly, "what" he said stopping his movements and looking into her big brown eyes,

"I finally got an answer to my question?"

"which one"he asked casually

"I think the universe had a plan for us" she smiled

He kissed her gently and smirked

"you bet it did?"

The end

Thank you so much for all the reviews follows, and favorite, let me know what you think, all the support means the world.

Cheers PP


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